Events and Circumstances

So I have been pondering quietly, searching within myself what I am truly seeking for in this lifetime of mine. I have not reached an answer, but I have met with a few findings – some of my own make and some of others.

Crossing 30 was not easy. I have endlessly tortured myself with comparison charts, goals and objectives lists unaccomplished and many more. We all try to get our lives in order and so we start to plan. For some, these plans act like guidelines but for others, they become benchmarks - must meet it.
It is surprising how such a simple task of planning can take a life of its own, with a streak of hell in it. I have been one of those persons who have planned and planned but forgotten to live and enjoy myself. I have unnecessarily immersed myself in self-torture, pity and misery all of my own make, all because I have not been able to achieve "ALL" that I had planned to.

One word that encompasses all that rubbish is "stupidity".

Well, for those reading this blog, you will agree with me if I said that this cruel world has defined parameters of success rather harshly, which includes the following:

- A masters degree (preferably medicine)
- A job that pays 6 figures
- Annual vacations abroad
- Happy marriage to someone rich and handsome (rich is better and better still with good financial inheritance)
- Kids
- A big home, 2 cars and a helper at home
- Associations with friends and acquaintances who are successful

As shallow as they may seem, these are your minimum requirements to obtain a clean bill of success. No amount of education or realization can seem to cure our hunger to meet those requirements. I have been on this bandwagon of wannabes. It is shameful but it is the glaring truth for many.

I have been so hard on myself these last several months analyzing and post analyzing every step of my life, every decision I have made and others have made for me. Are the standards I am trying to reach too high? Whose standards do I want to meet? Why am I not happy?

My father of 65 years convinced me that there is no need to be troubled. For someone who has conducted umpteen cycles of introspective analysis, his conclusions are good enough to be believed. He said “Every decision one makes depends on one’s circumstance and the available information and opportunities relevant to that time. They clearly are the best ones of that time. But one never knows if one will turn out to be successful or not until at the very end. They are like post-mortem conclusions where a doctor says that the patient may not have died had he done things in a different way. The patient did his best with what he had and what he knew and what was relevant to his time - but who cares? After all, it's so easy to pass judgements when all is over, right?”

He also added “It does not end just with these decisions. There are events which better these decisions or make you regret them for the rest of your life. Some opportunities come by which you take your chances on – these opportunities are your life changing or life breaking events. In conclusion, one never really knows the outcome of one’s life. So there is no point in fretting – just live your life one day at a time, enjoy it like you might not have a tomorrow.”

I think I learnt a life lesson here. It is to attribute one's decisions to those events and circumstances that have shaped the course of one's life. What about you??